Ron's Return Revised
by quibblergirl
Summary: A slightly different response to Ron's return, and some fluff to pass the time...


The night before he returned, Hermione and Harry sat together outside the tent on lookout. He kept insisting that she go inside and get some sleep but she was resistant. She was "stubborn" according to Harry. He tried to make a joke about it – but he saw how her face fell at the insult.

"I'm only joking – please don't pay any mind to me."

She laughed sadly, "No, I know, it's just…you're right."

"Right? I'm not right. You aren't stubborn, you're…steadfast." He smiled.

Another sad laugh, "Yeah, that's me." She replied.

They were quiet for a moment, and then she spoke.

"I drove him away." she told Harry.

"What?"

"I drove him away. Anytime he tried to help or had an idea, I shot him down. He wanted to be useful, and I made him feel useless. He wanted to be part of this with us and I pushed him out. Always. I had been doing it for so long; I don't blame him for wanting to leave. Things were going so well for us for a while, you know, right before Dumbledore died and even after; I think we both had grown up some you know? But just being on this hunt-I wasn't exactly kind to him. I don't know how he stayed friends with me for so long. I regret the way I've treated him Harry, because now he's left and…" tears began to spill down her cheek and her voice cracked as she continued, "We got to a good place last year with each other, but then things started happening quickly with Dumbledore's death and preparing to leave…I was too much of a coward to tell him the truth, to tell him fully. I was too afraid to tell him how wonderful he is, how he is the strongest and bravest friend you or I could ever have. I was too afraid to tell him that I love him, that I have loved him, for…ever really. "

Harry tried to interrupt her but she wouldn't let him,

"And then after we started taking turns with the locket, I started to see him look at me differently. Like he was disgusted by me sometimes and I just felt like, maybe he doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore. I just hoped it was the locket making him angry and irritated but now I just don't… I mean, why would he want me? I'm not fun or exciting or attractive. I'm just – me. I don't blame him for going. It's my fault Harry, and I'm so sorry."

She looked directly into Harry's eyes as she apologized and he was quite taken aback by her declaration. It broke his heart to see her in so much pain. It was unusual to see her this vulnerable.

"You really have no idea how brilliant you are do you?" Harry took her hands in his and told her, "You _are _fun and exciting. Every adventure we've had together, the three of us, it was _you_ especially taking on unknown dangers and risks. And as far as looks go, and I say this as someone who loves you desperately like a sister Hermione, you are _bloody gorgeous_. You can't seriously expect me to believe that you don't know that." He smiled at her and he could see her blush even in the dark.

"Listen, he's mad about you. He always has been. Whatever drove him to make the decision to leave, it wasn't because he didn't care deeply for you, or me. We'll get him back, we'll make this right. I know him, you do too, he's impulsive, but in his heart he's not left us-okay?" She nodded slowly and let him wipe her cheek. She stood up and made her way into the tent to get some sleep.

She had a restless sleep that night, as she had most nights since he had left. Her thoughts drifted to the darkest places most of the time and the one thing she couldn't do was even entertain the thought that something bad had happened to him. She desperately hoped that he had found refuge with his family and that he was sleeping somewhere warm and being fed. She hoped they were all safe and together. Even if she never saw him again, knowing that he was safe and with people who loved and cared for him gave her great comfort. At this point, especially since their narrow escape at Godric's Hollow, she was fairly certain that she would not likely survive much longer. She didn't give up on Harry, Harry was practically invincible, but she felt a strong sense of her own mortality due to her blood status and her affiliation with Harry.

"Hermione! Hermione!" she heard Harry call out from a distance. She pulled up to sit and listened closely, trying to hear if his tone was urgent or implied danger. It was hard to tell. She went to grab her wand and realized that he had taken it, since his had been destroyed. She felt naked without her wand. She quickly pulled on her boots and made way out of the tent.

"What is it Harry? Everything all right?"

"Yes, fine, actually…more than fine…" he said as he pointed in the direction away from the tent.

"Hey." Ron said to her.

She had to squint her eyes to be sure it was really him. He looked wet and his hair was much longer, covering his eyes for the most part. But the posture was true to form, it seemed to be Ron. She glanced over at Harry who had a wide smile on his face. She couldn't smile, not yet; she couldn't allow herself to believe that it was _really _him. Carefully she walked toward him and as she got closer, she could see his eyes were red, as if he'd been crying for weeks too. Hermione could see his blue eyes staring into hers through the strands of hair hanging down over his brow, there was uncertainty in them.

She took his face gently in her hands, brushing his hair out of his eyes, and pulled him closer so she could examine his face thoroughly.

"It's you…you're okay…you're not hurt." said to him quietly as she examined every freckle. Then she pulled his face down closer still so their foreheads were touching. Ron breathed a long and heavy sigh of what could only have been relief. Her actions were so touching; he could hardly believe he was here with her again. The only thing that kept him from kissing her right then was that Harry was watching them.

He was overwhelmed with a warm feeling that brought a smile to his face. She pulled her face back to look him in the eyes again and when she did, she saw that smile. The last thing Ron remembered from that tender moment was how her beautiful and loving eyes, in a split second, narrowed and blazed in fury at him.

"_You are a complete ARSE Ronald Weasley!_" She started punching him with every ounce of strength she had, which was quite a bit to his surprise. He wasn't sure if he was scared or amused. But he didn't dare laugh at her right now. Tears were erupting from her eyes and he looked over at Harry for help. Harry shrugged as Hermione continued to pelt Ron with her small fists. She implored Harry to give back her wand; clearly she intended to use it on Ron. Harry refused and she became even angrier. Then Harry stepped in and cast a protective shield between the two of them that knocked Hermione onto the ground.

As Hermione sat on the ground seething at the both of them, Ron was given the opportunity to tell his side of things. As it turned out, he wanted to come back right away but Hermione's enchantments had been too good, he wasn't able to find them. He spent weeks roaming alone, trying to keep from being captured by Snatchers, heathens who were paid to round up "mudbloods" and "blood traitors." He went on to discuss his close call with the Snatchers and how he'd splinched his fingernails off.

As she listened to his experiences she felt herself calm down a bit. Even though her anger at him had taken over, she also felt elated at the sight of him still. _He's here, in one piece, breathing_. It was what she had been hoping desperately for over the past several weeks. He went on to describe how he'd located them finally, and while the deluminator showed him the way, it was her voice that led him back. She was moved by this revelation and his sincerity was evidenced by the look in his eyes.

As much as Hermione wanted to go to him and touch him again, pull him to her and hug him for eternity, her anger was too strong. She stood and made her way to a chair, facing away, and decided to remain as silent as possible until she reconciled her thoughts. Even after her conversation with Harry last night, she wasn't feeling equipped to accept Ron just yet. She was still too hurt, and seeing him again, in the flesh, just brought back the pain from that dreadful night when he left them.

She listened silently as Ron recounted his time away to Harry. She pretended to read. She did notice that he often glanced up in her direction as if checking the temperature. Harry made tea and offered a cup to Hermione, she refused, pulled on her coat and headed outside to sit watch for a while.

Later that night, while Harry was outside keeping watch, Ron was pretending to sleep but he was really peeking over at Hermione on her bunk from under his blanket. She was tossing and turning over for the past hour and he thought he heard her crying also. He felt a strong desire to go to her and try to comfort her, but he knew that would be taking a big risk. She was still angry with him for leaving. He couldn't blame her. From what Harry described, they had experienced near death Godric's Hollow and he felt incredible guilt about not being there to help them. He was thankful that they had survived, but it was a close call that he knew could have ended tragically. The thought of losing either of them was too much for him to bear. He noticed that Hermione looked noticeably frail and her face was covered with cuts and scratches-he was worried about her and vowed to be more attentive to her, even if she was angry and giving him a silent treatment.

Suddenly, he heard her shuffle out of bed and into the kitchen, she was making tea. She was trying to be quiet about it so as not to wake him, which he thought was a bit of a good sign for him. He sat up in his bunk and decided to take a risk and speak to her. "Hey, can't sleep?" he asked.

She looked at him and shook her head, "No, not really. Do you want tea?" she was trying to be businesslike. He was so happy to have her speak to him he had to stifle a smile so as not to get her riled again.

"Yeah, thanks."

She finished the tea and brought it over to him on his bunk. Then she sat down on his bunk, looking down at her tea thoughtfully. Ron was anxious for certain, but he was also happy to have her close to him, he didn't care if they spoke or not, he certainly didn't dare try to formulate words at this point. She continued staring at her tea mug and then started.

"Ron, I want to tell you something; something that I should have told you a long time ago. I am still angry that you left so don't mistake what I am going to say for some kind of peace offering-okay?" she looked into his eyes waiting for him to respond. He figured he should answer. He nodded.

"Ok." She said and then cleared her throat. "Ron, I want to tell you that I am sorry for all the times I have criticized and belittled you. I know it was a lot-over the years. Since you left, I have been thinking about it a lot. I realized that it must have been very hard to have a friend who treated you that way all the time. The thing is, I was always worried if you found out how I really felt about you-you may not return my feelings and well, I was just protecting myself by making you think that I didn't think much of you. It was horrible and I am truly sorry." She glanced up at his face and saw his look of disbelief. She went on, "The truth is, I think you are the bravest, strongest, and most amazing person. I have always felt that way about you, since our very first year at Hogwarts." He could see that she had turned bright pink and he swallowed hard, trying to make sense of what was happening here.

"I think that last year, when we were getting along so great, it was because I finally felt confident that you felt the same way about me as I felt about you." she glanced up again, looking hesitant, "That is, that you wanted to be more than friends, which is exactly what I wanted. I mean, we pretty much established that with each other." Ron felt his grip on his mug loosen a bit and nearly spilled hot tea on himself.

Hermione continued, "But then we started this hunt and things got difficult, well, I know there were times when I was being unkind again. I know that when I wore the locket, I felt terrible about how things were between us. I felt like you just didn't feel the same way about me anymore, the way you looked at me sometimes, I just…I could see that you felt differently toward me. I started to think that maybe my blood status really meant something to you. I started to think that I could never been good enough for you. I had these horrible thoughts about it that I'm too ashamed to even talk about. "

Ron tried to interrupt her but she put her hand up,

"No Ron please don't say anything. I don't need you to respond I just need to tell you this." He kept quiet.

"So I know that I treated you unkind and I can understand why you wouldn't want to be with me. I also know that you were desperate to find out about your family. I don't blame you for leaving; maybe I would have done the same if I had family I knew were in danger and if I had people worried sick about me. I mean, my parents, god I hope they are safe, but they don't even know they have a daughter." He could see tears forming in her eyes then and although he wanted to reach out to her, he was frozen. " I am pretty much on my own and if something happens to me, I have no family to even know…you are really lucky that you have a big wonderful family." She glanced up at him again with sincere eyes, then went on,

"So I just wanted to tell you-to tell you all of that. I'm sorry if was not so articulate. I'm pretty tired. I don't really want you to respond. I don't expect you to. I just really needed to tell you what I've been feeling."

Ron was speechless. All of her feelings spilled out right in front of him. Even if she let him respond, he wasn't sure if he could.

She held out her hand to take his mug, "Are you finished?" she asked. He nodded. She took it from him and walked into the kitchen area and put both mugs in the sink. Then she made her way back to her bunk and buried herself under her blankets.

Ron sat perfectly still on his bed until he felt the cold air blow over him and then he too buried himself under his own blanket. He was completely boggled by her words. He felt ashamed, confused, and brilliant - all at the same time. She didn't say that her feelings about him had changed-_did she?_ She only said she was angry about the fact that he had left. What did that mean exactly? Now it was Ron's turn to toss and turn for a while. He could hear her breathing settle and knew that she was asleep. He wondered how he could ever have the courage to tell her how he really felt.

Ron knew he wouldn't be able to sleep so he carefully climbed out of his bunk, pulled on is coat and boots and went out to sit with Harry.

"Need a break?" Ron asked Harry.

"Oh, hey, no I'm good. You should be sleeping. I thought I heard Hermione-is she awake too?"

"No, I think she's out by now." Ron suddenly felt tightness in his chest. He felt so much affection for the girl who just poured her heart out to him; he wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

"Harry, about Hermione, she looks so much thinner since I've left, and looks like she was cut up pretty bad from that Godric's Hallow mess." Harry felt stung, like Ron was somehow accusing him of not taking care of her while he was away.

"What do you expect Ron? That we've been having four-course dinners since you've left? I don't suppose you even noticed that she was giving you most, sometimes all, of her portions even before you left did you?" Ron felt a pang in his stomach at this remark, he suspected that she had done that but was too saturated in himself to care at the time. Harry continued, "And going to Godric's Hollow was _her _idea, not mine. Given what happened there, it could have been much worse."

"Look, I'm not blaming you Harry, I'm just saying, I'm worried about her." Ron certainly didn't want to argue with Harry now, not after having just returned and things were settling back into a good place for them.

Harry was quiet for a moment, and then said, "I'm sorry. I reckon I've been more worried about her too lately. I know that having you back will help though." Harry looked over to see Ron smile; he went on, "When you left, she started sleeping in your bunk-with your blankets. She cried a lot, I told you that before, but Ron, she was really devastated. She's not herself without you mate. I think you being here will help"

Ron again felt a wave of emotion and affection hearing that she had slept his bunk while he was away. He actually did notice that his blankets smelled like her-like the perfume she wore. He hoped that Harry was right and that his being back would be good for her. Her speech tonight had flipped a switch in him. He knew now that he wanted nothing more than to show her that he was indeed brave and strong, and worthy of her. He knew that he was not so good with words, so he would have to show her with his actions.

"I hope so Harry."

"Oh and thanks by the way." Harry said.

"Thanks for what?"

"Thanks for backing me up about going to Lovegoods tomorrow." Harry told him sarcastically. Earlier that evening, Hermione had implored Harry to visit Luna's father to discuss the symbol that she noticed kept turning up on their journey. She thought it had something to do with their mission. Harry was skeptical but Ron had sided with Hermione in an attempt to get back in her good graces.

"Right, sorry about that mate." Ron told him with a sly smile.

Then Ron stood and asked Harry one more time if he wanted a break, when he refused Ron went back inside. He stopped next to Hermione's bunk to hear her breathing and he reached down to brush a strand of hair away and out of her face. _She's beautiful_, he thought. He stared at her for a while, until he realized that it might have creeped her out if she woke up and saw him gawking at her while she slept. He made his way back to his own bunk, crawled under his blankets that did indeed smell like her, and fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.


End file.
